There’s always time for gratitude

Spoiler alert: Auggie gave us another scare this week, but instead of the worst possible news, it turns out he is experiencing the aches and pains of a middle-aged athlete.

You know how difficult it can be when you’re waiting for someone’s medical diagnosis. You flip restlessly through a book, if you have one, you play games on your phone, if you do that sort of thing, or you ruminate madly about worst case/best case scenarios. It’s important to find something to do.

As I waited for the surgeon’s diagnosis, there was an odd little stand with a drawer in the exam room. I had been in this room at the hospital before, and it suddenly occurred to me that I had never looked in this drawer. Part of it, maybe, was just knowing it was none of my business. But then it occurred to me that maybe it had something meant to be helpful: a pack of tissues, a roll of lifesavers, hand sanitizer, Gideon’s Bible…so I opened it. It was disappointingly, boringly empty.

I had come equipped to wait, so of course I had paper and pen, and I was very much in need of a distraction. So for some reason it occurred to me to do this. Too bad I didn’t have a packet of candy or something to add. I wonder how long it will take someone to find it—someone else who’s worried, bored, and needs distraction.

Auggie was a good boy, but he’s learned to be nervous about these places. Luckily, happily, joyfully, all was well, and we went home together, armed with a little bottle of pain pills. We played ball when we got there.

Gratuitous Dog Video

When I’m writing intensively, we all enjoy breaks playing outdoors. Auggie has been learning a new command sequence, so he’s a little hesitant in playing Boo. He’s wicked smart, though, and will get it all straight in good time. I love how his nose curves up around the red ball.

Yin and Yang

Earlier this week I wrote about busy, athletic Auggie’s very occasional need to snuggle. Eli, too, has a need to snuggle, but for him that means All. The. Time.

Eli is the cuddliest, mildest-tempered, neediest dog I have ever known. I have no doubt this is due to his having been brought home days before the COVID lockdown. We were not able to socialize him properly, and he depended entirely upon our small household for everything. Most of the time he is submissive to Auggie’s leadership, but lately, as Auggie approaches his seventh birthday and begins to slow down a bit, Eli has started asserting himself.

This is mostly noticeable in their rivalry for our attention. When Auggie asks for a scratch or a pat, Eli uses his considerable bulk to wedge himself between us and Auggie. We have to physically push him away to prevent him from blocking Auggie altogether.

So, of course, the night after Auggie cuddled up close, Eli decided it was his turn. He was waiting, all curled up on my pillow when I came to bed, and although he moved politely when asked, he came right back as soon as I had settled, and lay his big head on my shoulder. He sighed deeply, his breath in my ear, and promptly fell asleep. You know the old joke: Where does a 300 pound gorilla sleep? Well, that fairly describes Eli, even though he is only a modest 140 pounds. His father weighs the same, and I attribute both his weight and his demeanor to genetics, even as I carefully monitor his food, and feed him extra vegetables. After our experience with high-energy demanding Auggie, I did ask for a puppy with low drive. We got one.

Eli’s shyness is a handicap. He is terrified of anything he can interpret as thunder, which can be fireworks, a passing jet overhead, the rumble of a garbage truck, or the sliding door of a van. Or, of course, gunshots. We hear gunshots fairly regularly, and it’s legal. But Eli doesn’t care. When our arborist team was here, the sound of logs being thrown into the truck bed were equally terrifying.

I used to follow the advice of dog experts and try to distract him with routine commands, or games, or dancing. I tried everything, and none of it worked. So now I do what I should have been doing all along: I make myself available to calmly snuggle him if he wants, and allow him to hide in his secret places if he prefers that. When he gets an idea in his head, he’s pretty difficult to dissuade, but increasingly, when he’s afraid he just comes and sits with his head in my lap. I’m fine with that, and he is, too.

He is also reactive to other dogs, which we continue to work on with some success. Our trainer described him as “a kid who doesn’t know how to shake hands,” and that description fits, because Eli doesn’t have a single mean bone.

Today, while I played “Boo” with Auggie, Eli trotted nearby, sometimes with his ball, but mostly uninterested in it. For the last 15 minutes or so, he just sat by the door, watching and waiting for us to come inside so he could have his snack and snuggle back into bed. Auggie, indefatigable, did the slow walk of doom back to the house, dropping his green ball disconsolately at the door.

And now, I’m off to work, happy to have them both—yin and yang—nearby for comfort: Eli sound asleep, and Auggie lying by the door, just in case anyone should happen to open it.

Even saints need comfort

Most of the time Auggie is not a demonstrative dog. He is a very high energy personality who is always on high alert for opportunities to go outside. He has a hair trigger that is activated by our slightest movements. Sometimes it can be a bit much, and I have to continually work to encourage him not to break out in a wild frenzy of barking when I am merely opening the closet to get something out of a coat pocket. His heedlessness in these moments can be dangerous, and I am recovering from a bone bruise on my knee after the combination of his exuberance with my tenacity flung me to the stone floor. Auggie didn’t even look back.

But you would be mistaken to think Auggie does not love hard and deeply. He is wired to run at full speed, and nothing can change that. But he is also incredibly gentle and sweet. I never worry about him meeting a stranger, or being around a child or a puppy. He will sit quite patiently with someone who wants to pet him, and he gives lovely little nose kisses while looking straight into your eyes. Auggie is very focussed on eye contact, and when we’re playing I take off my sunglasses so we can look deeply into each other’s eyes.

When we come in to wash the mud off—after what we call his “slow walk of doom”back to the house—he obediently gets into the shower, and patiently lifts each paw for me to clean without my having to ask. Often when I am bending over him to spray his underside, he reaches up and gives me a gentle kiss.

Sometimes I think he feels a bit lonely or jealous because snuggly, low-key Eli always asks for—and gets—the love he needs. And Eli is both sly and pushy about inserting himself between Auggie and an object of mutual desire, making himself into a giant, furry wedge. It can be difficult to divide attention exactly. So when Auggie asks for attention, I notice.

Last night, Auggie asked. Instead of settling in at the foot of the bed, he was waiting for me with his head on my pillow. He made room for me, and when I was settled, he nestled in, molding the shape of his body to mine, his head resting on my leg. Later he moved up so I could keep my hand on his back. He stayed that way all night, comforting and being comforted.

He is a very good dog.

St. Augustine, Foe of Coyote Pagans