No One Told Me There Would Be Math

/ J. F. Riordan

I had a busy night planned. It involved cleaning out a cupboard where mice had been and sanitizing and rescuing the framed family pictures that had been stored there when I repainted the stairway a year ago last November. I was planning to hang the pictures—about a dozen or so—in the repainted hall. I wanted to tackle this disgusting job so I wouldn’t be ashamed in front of my cleaning lady. (It was, in actual fact, another clever procrastination technique in my novel-writing avoidance scheme. But I digress.)

Instead, as I was elbow deep in sanitizing wipes and thinking words that would have shocked my mother, my husband called my grandson from upstairs—and me—to come into the kitchen. My husband has a mischievous sense of humor, and is fond of calling me on the phone from upstairs, or summoning me from various tasks to show me something entertaining. I was not amused. “I am in the middle of something,” I said, forgoing the opportunity to explain the precise substance I was in the middle of.

“This,” he said, “is serious.” He then read aloud an email from our grandson’s math teacher.

Only yesterday we were celebrating an excellent report card. But something had gone awry in the past four days since grades were closed, and we were exhorted to ensure that tomorrow’s test did not reflect yesterday’s quiz.

My husband, whose confidence in me is sometimes misplaced, assured my grandson. “Grandma is great at math. She will be able to help you.” Some of you may recall a note from a few days ago in which I explained my loathing of accounting. Which is math.

I need to say that it has been…some time… since I did basic algebra, and when I saw the graphing equations and the formula for slope ( y=mx +b) I was a bit shaken. The required physics course I took in college was affectionately referred to as “Physics for Poets”. There was no math. Opera singers don’t use much algebra, either.

So we turned on the lights in the dining room. “Get pencils and paper” I told my grandson. He brought two sheets. “That’s not enough.” There was no way I was wasting my precious writing notebooks for this.

And so, we began—both somewhat irritable—to review the past two weeks of eighth grade math. He was gleeful when I made a mistake, and sullen when I was right and teacher-y. And that gave me insight into how to help. So, I told him I couldn’t remember how to do it—which was sometimes true—and he had the fun of explaining to ignorant me just where I had gone wrong. Sometimes I genuinely was wrong, and sometimes I had to be right to explain where he had gone wrong. Old Person Sidebar: Why don’t they teach kids multiplication tables anymore?

But I have to admit, even if he dramatized how much he hated it (“Why do I have to do math? I’ll never use it.”) I was positively joyful that I could access the algebra file drawers in my brain.

Later, I told my husband the kid had better never take Calculus because I wouldn’t be able to help him. We giggled.

After two hours, we had gone as far as we could in one evening, and when my grandson came back downstairs in his yellow pajamas, he had hot chocolate, and I had two whiskeys.

I feel I earned them.

***

And now your gratuitous dog photo.

A friendly battle over Pink Pig, who was revealed under the leaves yesterday.

31 thoughts on “No One Told Me There Would Be Math”

  1. You’ll have to *report* back to us how your grandson scored on his test!

    (Your comment about multiplication tables brought back memories of sitting at the table, and my mother quizzing me with multiplication cards. [I had lots of math tutoring in high school.])

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A friend from school posted an algebra problem from their son’s 8th grade Math class on Facebook.
    I responded with: “I think I just found the answer to: “Are You smarter than an 8th grader?” 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this story, and neat time with your grandson. You must follow up with test results. At the beginning of the pandemic, when my time looked like a blank canvas having been laid off, I wrote down ideas of things to learn. Algebra was one of those, as I wasn’t sure I remembered any of it even though I had done well in school. I also listed learning the metric system and beginner Spanish. Instead, I excelled at streaming movies and series, and scrolling through pics of Pete, Auggie, and Eli. No regrets.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’ll have to tell us how your grandson is enjoying being the only kiddo in a household. My son is 14, and he’s grown up as an only, but I imagine that being a temporary only child with grandparents has to be about the best thing EVER.

    Btw, Khan Academy and random YouTube videos are your friend for brushing up on your math skills, although having him teach you is very clever.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LOL! In my second career as an education technology consultant, I worked with a group called UTeach, an education prep program, designed to prepare STEM teachers to teach an inquiry-based process. You did EXACTLY the right thing. When you’re one-on-one with a student, let them lead you through the process! Congratulations!

    And yes indeed, you earned those whiskeys!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I abhor Math, was never any good at it, but for some reason if it had to do with $$, it made perfect sense. For that reason Accounting clicked with me and I ended up teaching it for about 10 years!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. 1. math sucks!
    2. i’m told internet relieves them of times tables tortures.
    3. math sucks!
    business degree =
    calculus
    statistics I and II
    accounting I and II
    economics: macro+micro (feels like math!)
    4. which sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I loathed algebra in school, finally telling my teacher I would never use it in my life. I am now 75 and that remains true. I imagined you and your grandson toiling away as Charlie sat in front of the fire drinking a whiskey with Auggie and Eli close by! You definitely deserved your drinks.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I just wanted to say how much I’m enjoying your blog posts—gratuitous dog photos are always welcome! I hope Auggie is back to full health and enjoying a nice game of “Boo!”

    You earned that whiskey. It’s been 40+ years since I had to do serious math. It would take a lot more than whiskey to get me back in that pond. A cute grandson might do it…

    Cheers.
    @wretchedink

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I knowI am my son’s mother because I was there (oh, boy, was I there) when he was born. But he grew to be a math major in college and is now a math teacher, expounding on things like differential equations and other things I have never heard of. I am fairly certain this facility did NOT come from my side of the gene pool, as I was unable to help him with math homework after the third grade. (No math was why I went to law school!!)

    Liked by 1 person

  18. What a wonderful way to help your grandson expand his math skills. But, I don’t think that’s the most important take away. As he grows older, he’s going to reflect on this year with his wonderful grandparents and have the most amazing memories of staying with you. You and Charlie are giving him such an exciting adventure that he’ll never forget.

    Love the picture of Auggie and Eli. They probably know more about algebra than I do. In fact, I’m sure if it. 🥴

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Dear Jan,

    I am really enjoying your daily essays and was reminded by today’s of how much I share your loathing for math! Like you, I had physics in high school and, frankly, didn’t learn a thing. Goodness only knows how I managed a passing grade. Likewise in college I had to take a mandatory math class (finite math which had something to do with probability, I think). I had to get a tutor to get past that! Good luck with any further helping sessions with your grandson.

    Marian

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  21. My daughter is married to a Frenchman, they have three sons and they live in the Alps. My daughter is determined that her sons (who have dual citizenship) become familiar with our culture and their Colorado cousins. To accomplish this, on four occasions, she has arranged for a house swap with a family in the Colorado mountains for the fall semester. The boys are now 15, 12 and 8. It’s interesting to hear their comparisons of schools in France and schools in Colorado. At this point, it would be interesting to hear your grandson’s comments regarding his experience.
    Phyllis

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Hilarious. When my 2nd son asked my help for multi function equations, 6+9(6×5)-2=x, in 6th grade, I told him, yeah, I know how to do them. He missed every single one. 😳 I swear I thought I knew how to do them. From then on he asked his dad for help. His dad could add a column of 20 numbers in less time than it takes to blink. What a show off.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. The file cabinet in my brain with my high school algebra knowledge is locked and the key was lost years ago! And I loved algebra! Thankfully my son is good at math and helps my granddaughter when she needs it.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. I admire your noble efforts and your insight into how to better help by having him explain problems to you. My husband and I had an agreement- he helped with math homework and I gladly helped with anything else but math!

    Liked by 1 person

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