The Empty Calendar

/ J. F. Riordan

There is a phenomenon I experience which may or may not be common among writers. It is the cultivation of an empty calendar.

This means that when I am trying to get the wheels turning with my writing, I cannot have appointments. I cannot have repairmen coming to the house. (Yes, I know, but in my experience, they’re all men.) I can’t have the cleaning lady. I can’t schedule lunches. I can’t schedule coffees. I only very reluctantly schedule dental appointments and haircuts, but this is mostly only so I don’t lose all my teeth and depress myself looking in the mirror.

This does not mean that I can never do these things. But it means that I can only do them spontaneously—the social things, anyway—after the day’s work is finished and I have exhausted my capacity for further writing. If I schedule something, it haunts me, and even when I try not to allow it, the little voice that plans what to wear and when I should leave interferes with the freedom of mind I need.

Like today, for instance, I have no intention of getting out of my pajamas until I am finished with my work. If I knew I had to go somewhere for lunch, it would ruin my morning. Because by 8 am I would be thinking: I have to stop at 10 so I can wash my hair, and figure out where my black jeans are, and is that new paisley blouse clean. Then I would have to stop, locate the jeans, and most likely dig the blouse out of the hamper to throw it in the fifteen minute cycle of the washer, and set the timer so I remember to put it in the dryer… And by then my concentration is ruined and the day is lost.

This can make friendships difficult, and I’m not sure everyone completely understands. I’m not even sure I understand. But at times like this, I tend to go dark, and although I will respond to texts or emails, and eventually return calls, I don’t cheerfully answer calls. Usually my phone isn’t even anywhere near me.

And I try never to schedule anything. Particularly not on Mondays.

On the other hand, on most writing days, by noon I am ready to venture forth, and I spend a happy afternoon rambling around doing errands, wandering the aisles of the grocery store, then coming home and arranging the new flowers and making something for dinner. If someone is available for a spontaneous something, that’s a bonus. But it’s not essential.

The end result of all this is a somewhat messy house, a somewhat frowsy personal appearance, a long list of needed repairs, and trying the patience of my very lovely friends.

It’s not ideal, but I have learned that writing a book requires several kinds of ruthlessness. And this is only one.

11 thoughts on “The Empty Calendar”

  2. Ah-ha! This explains why I’ve found having two extra appointments (occupational therapy and physical therapy) every. single. week. so dang disruptive! (Fortunately, this will not last forever. And Saturdays are mostly quiet now that the holidays are over.)

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  6. This perfectly describes my own approach to work before I retired. My non-work friends found it frustrating and a bit alienating, tbh. I think they felt that I prioritized work over them, which I guess was true in effect if never in intent. I needed the head space free from commitments. I’m a planner and if it’s on my list I put that ball in the air. You can only juggle so much and if a lunch two weeks from now needs action, it means I can’t focus on work right now. I never understood it so clearly until I read your post. Aha! Now I know what caused that lump, that pressure I would feel when outside commitments surfaced. Thank you for articulating it. I completely get it!

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  7. I can relate to the mindset when you have engagements or appointments. The brain starts the pre-planning process far too early!! I was on the treadmill this morning and should have been concentrating on what I was doing, but instead was determining when I needed to be done, when I needed to get in the shower, what was I going to wear, etc.🤦‍♀️

    Love the days when there’s NOTHING on my calendar. Somehow something always pops up though….

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  8. I can completely relate. For me it’s almost as though the creative part of my brain goes into Park when there is something that requires my time, attention and presence. Meanwhile the planning, procrastinating, questioning, feelings of frustration and deprivation go into F1 race mode. Today is a classic example. Appointment at 10am (care for elderly parents). Could not get into my creative work before and it’s now been 1.5 hours since my return and it is still not productive. If I had a clear day though I would have been happily and productively working since 5am, with 7 solid hours in by lunch. Go figure!

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