In which: I am annoyed

/ J. F. Riordan

I believe I have mentioned here that we had a sort of appliance armageddon in November and December. Since not all of them were amenable to repair, we have some new ones. Aside from the fact that they do actually function, none of them are improvements.

The new dishwasher—which is the equivalent model to the old one— is missing some of the handy features of the other one. The racks are different and less adjustable, and the buttons have fewer choices. It also cost a lot more than the last one, and had to be specially rigged by the installers in order to fit in the same space.

The new microwave is also the latest and greatest version of the old one. But it doesn’t have a one minute button—which I used all the time—or the butter softening/melting feature that I loved so much. How many sticks? How soft? How melted? What are you defrosting? Press 1 for meat; 2 for chicken; 3 for fish. None of that. The machine, with its super fantastico intelligent programming decides. It’s usually wrong. The other day the turkey sausages came out like hockey pucks. Maybe it’s a bit too powerful. I’ll get used to it, I guess. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to spend my increasingly limited brain power thinking about appliances. I want my appliances to do my bidding, not their own. Adding insult to injury, it beeps five times instead of once, a particular pet peeve of mine. (See also: “Electronic Narcissism” in my book of essays But Still They Sing.)

Which brings me to the source for which I reserve most of my animus: the new television we so jauntily installed in the library. It’s a small television, but we thought it might be nice to be able to watch while all snuggled into our coziest room, with the bar cart nearby and the fire going. We were delighted when all we had to do was hold our phones up to the QR codes to install our streaming services. Very cool, we thought.

Lately, my husband has been getting up excessively early, frequently adjusting his bedtime to right after dinner. This leaves me a little bit at a loss. I’m usually too tired to read. Practicing piano would disturb him, and I don’t want to go to bed yet. A perfect time to sit in the library with large dogs and watch something on television.

I was settled in the other night watching a two hour program, when suddenly the television turned off. Nothing I did could turn it back on. Having twigged the eco-settings on the bedroom television, which automatically dims the picture, I had already turned all that off. I changed the batteries in the remote. I reset the wireless. Nothing. Finally I packed it in and went to bed. But my husband found it running in the middle of the night.

“You left the television on.”

“I sooooo did not.”

Last night, same scenario. I wasn’t watching anything I was particularly invested in, but I was beginning to think we would have to embark upon an endeavor that reflects what my husband calls “the asymmetry of power”. You know: when you have a problem with a product and have to contact the enormous monopolistic corporation that has eliminated service from its mission statement. My sister has spent the past three days engaged in such an exercise, which mostly consists of listening to repetitive and annoying hold music while someone on the other end files their nails for hours at a time. But I digress.

One of the most useful aspects of the internet, I find, is being able to look up problems and see whether you’re the only one experiencing it. So this morning I did this, and what did I find? “LG TV keeps turning itself off.”

Apparently, in their (asymmetrical) wisdom, the LG corporation has decided that after a certain period of time without interaction with the remote, the television should turn itself off. The settings say this happens after four hours. I can attest to its being much less than that. Nevertheless, I found the button and turned it off.

Happy Ending. Sort of. But I have questions. What makes electronics companies think we need someone else to turn our devices off? Isn’t that why we have a remote? With a timer we can set? What if I’m watching a David Lean movie? Or a Wagnerian opera? Maybe I don’t want to be interrupted. Why I can’t I turn it right back on? Why do they hide these settings so you have to dig around in the depths of the system like a turkey looking for bug? Why aren’t these “features” listed openly in the manual? Why does it seem we have become the servants rather than the other way around? I have a sneaking suspicion it’s because all these companies know they have us over a barrel, and we will choose to serve in order to have our conveniences. It’s a very strange turn around.

Capitalism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

49 thoughts on “In which: I am annoyed”

  1. I can so relate, having moved twice in the last 2 yrs. These moves come with the continued education of new appliances and I purchased a larger TV/ Thank you for your carefully worded picture of the tension that can be created in one day, at home.

    Marilyn Dye ________________________________

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  2. I am waiting on replacing a microwave…it just went dark between breakfast and lunch with no one in the kitchen. I also don’t want to waste brain space on learning a new set of buttons!. Also why does Prime ask you if you are still watching while binge watching something? I know how to turn the TV off!

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  4. Perhaps the TV issue can be explained as a concession to regulators to save energy. There is a lot of that going around lately. Does your new dishwasher take longer to do the same work?

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  5. Thank you. 😂 I needed a laugh today – and I can really relate to your experience. Linda

    Sent from my iPhone

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  6. I recently replaced a television and I too got all excited when setup required not much more than scanning the QR code. Was able to load the streaming apps I use and delete the silliness I do not. Now, if it could only get along with my DVR and sound bar…..

    I’ll never understand why electronics (and apps as well….I’m looking at YOU Netflix!) feel the need to ASK if we’re still watching or take the parental route and just shut down on their own. I’m highly capable of turning off my own television, thank you very much!

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  9. I read this and wondered if my sister hadn’t written this post, instead. She recently had to shell out big cash for a new wall oven – same brand (different model, since *that* one was discontinued) and only one which would fit into the space (which the installers *still* had to work at getting to fit). It’s got some new bells and whistles but is just not the same. Plus, I don’t think it broils quite as well (evenly) as the old one did. We’ll get used to it. I’ll have to teach my sister how to use it since she is still a little afraid to try it. Too much tech on this one. Sigh.

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  11. The new “Smart” appliances are really annoying. Had to replace 19 yr old Maytag washer. Operation remains mysterious. Worst? NO adequate instructions, one printed page written by a robot which never used the washer. Everything online. I did not envision having my cell phone at washer everytime I use it.

    Had to replace stove also. When I set baking/roasting time it beeps and shuts itself off at end of time. I can’t bake longer without resetting everything.
    Broiler instructions say leave oven door open a few inches. This TURNS broiler OFF even in non-convection setting.

    New TV?? Remote won’t work with Apple TV: “Samsung does not guarantee compatability
    with all streaming services.” 3 remotes with TV now. Or pack up giant tv and return in snow. (Maybe your problem is with the remote. My condolences)
    YOU ARE SO RIGHT. BRAVE NEW electronics world nightmare.

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  12. Oh my gosh! I’d bet big money that everyone over the age of 45 would relate to your problems. Just wait ’til you get to your 80’s….then the whole world is a mystery!! Thank goodness some of us have children and grandchildren who can rescue us!

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  13. You are so very correct in your analysis! Appliances, like everything else it seems, have become far too complicated and annoying. My washing machine, dryer and dishwasher all play a happy but completely unnecessary little tune when they have completed their chores. I call it the “Korean National Anthem” since they were born in Korea. Unfortunately, the timer on both my oven and microwave blurt out one single pathetically quiet beep. I can’t even hear them when I’m still in the kitchen.

    We purchased a used home a couple years so are stuck with them until we have the money and energy to redo the kitchen. Well this summer both the dishwasher and refrigerator died in the same week which was well before we planned to redo the kitchen. I was actually ecstatic that the fridge died. It had a drawer freezer which I despised. I always felt like an ostrich shoving my head into a pile of ice blocks to find things. No amount of organization helped. It also meant the ice maker was in the fridge which took up 1/4 of the space. I hated the awful thing. At that point we were in the unenviable position of buying two appliances that might not work well in whatever new kitchen design we ultimately create. Then I had a great thought. Let’s buy a simple refrigerator and when we remodel the kitchen we can move it to the garage. We agreed and picked out a most beloved side by side refrigerator with and ice maker in the freezer and no dispensers for ice or water on the doors that always spit on the floor. I am in heaven. We’ve actually fallen in love with it. My husband, in particular, is pleased with the additional benefit that he doesn’t have to hear my sailor vocabulary every time I open the freezer.

    Our dishwasher is also very simple. The buttons and lights are actually on the outside of the door so you can see them (versus on the top of the door which is out of sight while it is operating leaving you no clue as to the progression of the wash/dry cycle – who on earth thinks that’s appropriate????).

    I appreciate you listening to my rant. I love your books. I miss Fiona and Elizabeth and Roger and the crew. I’ve read the 4 of them all 3 times. I met you at a book signing in Northville Michigan many years ago and purchased North of the Tension Line. I was still working at that time and it sat on the shelf for a while. I picked it up when I retired and then read the others in pretty rapid succession. And then reread them and reread them!

    Warm Regards,
    Danell Andersen

    P.S. Oh happy day!!!! I looked up your books and see that number 5 is coming out in less than 3 months!!!!!! Thank you!!!!! I’ve pre-ordered it already.

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  14. I could write a book… decided to stream instead of cable… I even had my IT guy come and do the initial installation… now, not his fault, my wireless internet has decided I live in the Milwaukee area… I live in the Chicago area… so most of the stations I watch I cannot … this has happened a few times with several (3-4) hours on the phone trying to get it fixed… amazingly, my cell phone is also attached to this mess… anyway… keep laughing which I hope to do when I actually have to go to the internet provider! You are not alone… 🙂 C

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  15. Well, I left a really nice note about my issues with streaming, but I see it didn’t go through… now you know how good I am at this stuff! 🙂 C

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  16. My father is elderly now and suffers from the maladies of such but he was very mechanically inclined (At one point he was a certified industrial mechanic). For a long time, most often when a microwave died it was a fuse that once you knew how was easy to replace, same for television sets.
    Now days the “fuses” are soldered on which means the average person can no longer simply go to the hardware store & buy one for a 1$ and simply pop it in, it requires special tools/equipment and skill. So guess what happens when it breaks out of warranty? Buy a new one. My uncle uses my grandparents fridge that was bought new in the early 1950’s as his beer fridge. That’s how long things could last when they could easily be maintained. Your annoyance is an earned one.

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      • My husband and I are not buying any products made by LG or Samsung. When he was still repairing appliances and home air conditioning systems, he said something like the US is a test market for Korean appliance manufacturers. Learning how to repair them was all the test marketing he could tolerate.

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  19. I agree with you wholeheartedly. My vocabulary while using said annoyances is extremely R rated. It’s a good thing my youngsters are grown and out of the house. 🥴🤭

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  20. Boy, can I relate to your TV escapade. My Samsung “smart” TV asks not once, but twice, if I’m still watching, even after I respond to the first prompt. If I’m listening to one of the music channels while doing something else and don’t see the message(s), the TV turns itself off. Hmmm. Not all that smart if you ask me!

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  21. I agree wholeheartedly. Having dealt with many of these annoyances I understand completely. My vocabulary around said annoyances is R rated. Fortunately, there are no young ones around to hear. 🥴🤭

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  23. I hear you on everything, especially the butter setting, and too-powerful replacement microwaves, and televisions with no logic, and January is just the longest year in the month. A most excellent piece, and I was with you for every confounded moment. Miss seeing you on Twitter, the hell scape that it may be.

    Warmest wishes from Maxville, Ontario
    Melissa Munro

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  24. I shared your frustrations and annoyance. We had to replace appliances in the past three months, too – and the television automatically turning off is very irritating. It happens at a family member’s assisted living facility, too. Staff are also annoyed. Technology’s convenience does sometimes come with “quirks”, I guess. 😊

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  25. The stupid so-called “SmartTV’s” are the wet dreams of programmers who never matriculated past the age of 13! I’m convinced of it.

    I have Samsung TVs from COSTCO, not LG, so I’m unsure why your tv would totally turn itself off. Mine go into a sleep mode, are connected to Spectrum Cable, so a screen saver of text showing ‘Spectrum’ floats around on the dark screen, so all I have to do is push the select button to get TV screen back. Sometimes it prompts the channel is no longer available, so I tap the yellow triangle with the letter “A” on it that represents “Try again” to get that channel back. IF all else fails, and I’m not experiencing a whole house power outage, I can always reboot the cable box. This is also time consuming BTW.

    Having said all that, WE ARE ALL HOPPING MAD about stupid programming and no paper manual to logically trouble shoot problems. The teenager mentality of the programmers are so geeky they no longer read nor have a fully human communicator writing the user manuals, they just jump on the internet and use alien shortcuts to get to the GOD manuals on how the code works!

    And IF we insist on speaking to a human being when we call for help, after serving the maze of automated phone recordings, we may just get someone overseas who can barely speak English so we cannot fathom what they’re telling us.

    After hours on the phone that includes half of the time listening to loud recordings of some excuse for music, we’re likely looking out a window, phone in hand (but now with a low battery), bleary eyed and asking ourselves whether it IS indeed possible we are all inside The Matrix?

    Ingrid

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  26. Wow we have had the same tv for a long time, but thanks for experiencing that so when it happens to me I’ll hopefully remember this??? I am seriously annoyed at the fridge I recently got. I have an old kitchen. No plans for axing the cabinets so I needed the same 1980’s size fridge. Well, in everything getting bigger, I now only had 1 option at each place I shopped and picked the one that would come the quickest. After 6 months of living with this only choice fridge I absolutely hate it. lol Everything is smaller on the inside, not easily modified, and my son knocked a bracket the second day it was installed and now there is no light in the freezer. It is all quite stupid.

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    • I had to replace my frig last year and I measured everything three times and read all the measurements and ordered the same size frig and it was 20% smaller than my trusty old one that died. It also has no freezer light. Or ice cube tray. (I can’t even think about my stove/oven issues….) In online reviews I finally found a sentence that said “don’t believe the statistics posted about the sizes of the appliance as they are all incorrect. Yep!

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Not trying to sound like a crack-pot, but I will lay odds on some (if not the US) government “determined” that devices need to turn off after “x” number of hours in order to “save the planet.”

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  28. Appliance Armageddon happened over Christmas in our house. I had previously purchased a whole home warranty which I thought would make things easy. Nope. Our 2 year old dryer, then our 3 year old washer, then our boiler all went out. Of course we had a house full of 7 people all wanting to do laundry and have hot water and heat. The warranty company required me finally filing a complaint with the Better Business Bureau and then they actually paid. The service technician for the dryer drove his truck off of the road in the snow so it took a month to get that fixed. The boiler is still ongoing but works if I do a few hacks. When it rains it pours.

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  29. I’m 71 and have used a dishwasher probably four times in my life. It’s the most wasted piece of machinery and human intervention ever created. Washing dishes is enjoyable….C’mon Pepp 🥹

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  30. The first thing I did with my cable box, latest TV and monitors is turn off the power-saving options because I don’t have OLED screens and thus don’t have to worry about burn-in. Never really had an issue with them powering down “unexpectedly”. Then again, I’m *just* young enough to bulldoze my way through the tech and make it do what I want.

    As for the microwave, I seem to recall reading in Consumer Reprots that almost every brand is actually from the same crappy Chinese manufacturer.

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  31. I once listed to a half hour show on Minnesota Public Radio about how the beauty of an appliance that worked for us instead of against us was a beautiful thing. Your essay is spot on. And the big companies don’t care if we are happy.

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  33. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE A COPY OF THIS AND SEND IT TO JOE BIDEN AND HIS CAMPAIGN!!!!!!!

    No, he can’t do anything about it but I think those seeking highest office should have some understanding of how corporate America functions to make our lives WORSE and less convenient, and then not having any way to complain or correct the problems. (Yes, I HAVE had similar problems lately; what makes you ask?)

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  35. Regarding useless, redundant, or downright annoying appliance features, I’m often reminded of Malcolm’s observation in Jurassic Park that they were so busy thinking of what they could do that they didn’t consider whether they should. No minute button on the microwave is an abomination. We have a lovely, large TV we paid a lot for; then, paid more to have someone come and hang it properly on the wall in the den. Well, it’s excessively complicated. I can’t make it work most of the time. I end up watching something on my iPad. I do love the modern world most of the time.

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