Grief

/ J. F. Riordan

I have been thinking a lot about grief lately. It is the only real constant in life, and yet we have to learn to roll with its waves and find the joys that intermingle with it, or else we will simply be immersed.

This morning I discovered by accident that a friend who lives some distance away lost her husband more than a year ago. She never told me, but then, we had lost touch during COVID, and the last time I saw her was when Eli was still a puppy, four years ago. She must have thought I would see the news somehow, but I no longer subscribe to the local paper, and have lost touch with the community, so when I stumbled upon his obituary this morning I was stunned.

There’s nothing I can do to make up for having let her down during this terrible time, and I hope she will forgive me. But please take a lesson from me: don’t let old friendships languish. COVID put us all in a weird rut of isolation. Call someone you’ve been out of touch with. You may never know how much it matters.

Reach out.

Look for joy.

19 thoughts on “Grief”

  1. Your first paragraph is true and absolute wisdom. Anyone currently dealing with grief should take it to heart.
    It took me many years to be able to deal with grief and it did consume me, sometimes to a point where I couldn’t function well on other things.
    Every story has a beginning, a middle and an end. Try to make your story an interesting one!

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  3. Thank you for this caring teaching moment. I find that COVID isolation continues, not so much because of fear of the virus, but because it is baked into our daily habits. No excuse for not reaching out! Good day all.

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  4. My husband is going through a serious illness, there are times that I can’t bear to tell people or talk about it. I think your friend will forgive you. Sometimes coming late to the party has advantages, perhaps the grief is now manageable.

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  6. Very well said; Covid has isolated us. We learned to live new ways and while we have gone back to normal in many ways, in some ways we haven’t; especially if we preferred to not be around folks too much to begin with.

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  9. Thanks for the reminder that Covid has changed what we used to think of as normal interactions. Normal now seems more isolated, in fear of the still unknown. Don’t be hard on yourself, and if she is a friend, she will understand.

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  10. Thank you for your thoughtful blog. My comment is somewhat relative and may speak to others as it did to me. When I hear the word “Grief”, I always think of a line in the book “Earthly Remains”, by Donna Leon. “Grief lies inside us like a land mine: heavy footsteps will pass by it safely, while others, even those as light as air, will cause it to explode.”

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  13. Thank you for sharing an important life lesson. While I feel like I dodged to Covid bullet, the isolation has left me where I feel somewhat socially inept. Your story is a wake up call not to waste any more time, to step up and reach out. Many thanks

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  14. I’m so sorry about your friend’s husband, and I’m sure she will understand you not knowing. Covid changed our lives in ways we’re still coming to terms with. We should all take your wise council, and reach out to friendships we’ve left languish for whatever reason.

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  15. The covid isolation syndrome still impacts me. While I conduct my normal daily tasks and occasionally meet a friend for lunch, I still “fear” night time gatherings. Your message reached a deep nerve that needs to be addressed. Thanks again for your wisdom.

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